Kind Sir, I’ve read your paper through,And faith, to me, ’twas really new!How guessed ye, Sir, what maist I wanted?This mony a day I’ve grain’d and gaunted,To ken what French mischief was brewin;Or what the drumlie Dutch were doin;That vile doup-skelper, Emperor Joseph,If Venus yet had got his nose off;Or how the collieshangie worksAtween the Russians and the Turks,Or if the Swede, before he halt,Would play anither Charles the twalt;If Denmark, any body spak o’t;Or Poland, wha had now the tack o’t:How cut-throat Prussian blades were hingin;How libbet Italy was singin;16
If Spaniard, Portuguese, or Swiss,Were sayin’ or takin’ aught amiss;Or how our merry lads at hame,In Britain’s court kept up the game;How royal George, the Lord leuk o’er him!Was managing St. Stephen’s quorum;If sleekit Chatham Will was livin,Or glaikit Charlie got his nieve in;How daddie Burke the plea was cookin,If Warren Hasting’s neck was yeukin;How cesses, stents, and fees were rax’d.Or if bare arses yet were tax’d;The news o’ princes, dukes, and earls,Pimps, sharpers, bawds, and opera-girls;If that daft buckie, Geordie Wales,Was threshing still at hizzies’ tails;Or if he was grown oughtlins douser,And no a perfect kintra cooser:A’ this and mair I never heard of;And, but for you, I might despair’d of.So, gratefu’, back your news I send you,And pray a’ gude things may attend you.38
Ellisland, Monday Morning, 1790.39